At a complete loss; a total eclipse of the heart…


There are no words that can explain how I feel. I’m not good at talking anyway; I’m better at expressing myself through my artwork. So here I go…

I am at a total loss.


I’ve lost such a huge part of me that I now feel INCOMPLETE.


I want to float away.

“John, please hold me down.” (I said this to my husband about a month ago, when my Dad first started ailing. And I fucking meant it.)

I am so grateful that I made him the “20 Things” poster. I am so glad I researched people’s biggest regrets after losing a parent. Otherwise, I would be sitting here, HATING myself for every little fucking thing I didn’t know to do; that I didn’t think of doing.

My heart is utterly broken. Into pieces. I am not myself anymore… Without my dad, who am I anyways?

I am just a failing little girl. (I am still hating on myself, knowing I did all I could to both prepare him and myself for the inevitable.) My mama is having a another bad day. And so am I. I’m starting to realize that there will be many bad days.

I have decided to go see his body this afternoon because I know it is my very last opportunity to see him in this lifetime, to see him on this spherical, orbital planet. I am not prepared for this. This will make everything real, and although I am aware it has happened, I’m not quite in reality right now. I’m living in a parallel reality… in Chattanooga with my Daddy.

💙 Shilo

Published by CooptyLew Art and Tarot

I strongly believe in the power of art and the Tarot for emotional healing and wellness, and it is my ultimate passion, as an artist, to teach others how to use these resources in this way. I create to connect. I connect to myself through artistic expression and I connect to others through hearing their stories and sharing my vision. Art has been my healing modality, and also the thing that brings me closer to the essence of who I am. I also love card decks, both tarot and oracle, and I have a huge collection! They speak seductively to the artist in me, and I'm fascinated by the intersection of art, spirituality, and psychology that exists within them.

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