I fucking seriously just lost my Dad!!!!!!

The sky on my way home from the hospital.
This is not real.

I am trying to be graceful. I am trying to be sweet. This happens to all of us, I try to remind myself. “Life is a gift, and every breath I take is sacred,” I whisper to myself… OVER AND OVER AGAIN!!!!

He fought a hard battle.

Fucking. Lame. Shit.

“Fuck this shit,” is what I’m screaming on the inside!

He was fine until fluid started gathering around his heart and in his lungs just a couple of months ago. From that point on, it was a steady decline. They tried to get rid of the fluid through dialysis, but my daddy just got weaker and weaker, as his heart started to swell.

Some technical blah blah blah…

Our hearts were swelling at the same time… only his was not going to recover.

There is no strength left in me.

My daddy’s heart started to give out on us. The doctor said that the bottom of his heart was not working correctly to pump the blood out to the top, so he would start going into “AFIB” and the top of his heart would start to quiver. Just days ago he had a defibulator implanted to shock it out of AFIB, but his blood pressure remained dangerously low, even after the implant. Shit just got real.

A month ago

And today was his last day with us. God! Why?!? We weren’t ready! I wanted to take him fishing one last time… I would give a fucking arm and leg for that! I wanted to sing our duets one more time! (I kinda/sorta got that one…)

A final wish.

One thought on “I just lost my Daddy!

  1. I am so sorry for your loss. There aren’t any words that can help. But at least you have a lifetime of memories with him. I’m so sorry. Let yourself feel and go through the process however you need to.

    Liked by 1 person

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