Losing Her

I am so very heartbroken.

It’s all bad guys. When I went out to feed this morning, Calypso was unresponsive and she had white stuff leaking from her nose. I grabbed a halter and called the emergency vet. I made her walk around the yard, she didn’t want to move much, but she never laid down!), and massaged her neck, and then tons of liquidy food matter started draining out of Nostrils, bilaterally. I thought it was choke, but it wasn’t. The vet started treating her for choke, but thought maybe impaction in the stomach, but when the vet tried to out the scope down the esophagus, there was a major impaction there. The small intestine had started dying, and has become septic. But no impaction in the stomach, which the vet thought was strange. Surgery can’t save her. There is nothing I can do for her, but put her out of her misery.

Some things I’ve noticed in my grief…

Ya know I got calypso as a friend for Heart. And to be honest- for my own selfish reason too. I knew when Heart goes, I would need her friend there to help me thru it. I never saw this coming. Thank God that I have Heart, and she has me.

Heart and Calypso immediately and completely bonded, and then decided I wasn’t really a part of their club. They kicked me out. They enjoyed each other every day and every night for a year, almost to the day. See, Calypso was wild, trained but not by her choice. She wanted freedom. Heart was the lead mare, and she would keep me away from Calypso. She saw Calypso’s heart and she defended her. I took notice quickly, and decided to honor them both. I granted them their freedoms in my section on this planet. They were so happy together.

I was just getting to the point where I could walk up and pet them at anytime, and even catch them easily…

Another observation:

Now that Calypso is gone, Heart is suddenly a domesticated trained horse again?

Heart knew who Calypso was, her age, her story, all the things I could never know. She made her feel safe. She tried to explain it all to me, but I didn’t understand what she was saying until now. “Leave her alone, mom. Just let her rest. She is so very tired. I will stay with her so she knows that she is safe.”

It was never about me. I’m not going to make it about me now. It was always about Calypso. I fell in love with her at first sight and I would like to say that it was reciprocal but I will never know now. I would choose her again and again, and I have no regrets. But I really thought she was about 15 years old, rounded up at approximately 9 years old

I’ll miss her forever!

After her death, the vet said, “24 or 25 is amazing for a Mustang that was in the wild for at least nine years.”

Hmmm… she was rounded up in 2016 (approximately 9) and then she has been domesticated for 6 years, with many different people. That would put her at approximately 15. Nope. She was 24/25. Add 10 more years in the wild for her. She was 17-19 years old when she was captured.

Just. Wow. This is really blowing my mind. No wonder she stared out of the fence all day. No wonder she flinched every time a human touched her. No wonder she would only go backwards with a rider. I’m glad she landed here. So I could let her rest peacefully. And when I’m berating myself because I was trying to gentle another Mustang and she was just resting at home (when I thought I should have her in training), I really should be thankful that is what happened. I guess that’s the silver lining.

Still don’t regret a thing. Just wish I would have known she was older, and rounded up so late in her life. I would have never even thought about putting a saddle on her, making her sweat in a round pen. Like WTF?

Me and my girl.

Published by CooptyLew Art and Tarot

I strongly believe in the power of art and the Tarot for emotional healing and wellness, and it is my ultimate passion, as an artist, to teach others how to use these resources in this way. I create to connect. I connect to myself through artistic expression and I connect to others through hearing their stories and sharing my vision. Art has been my healing modality, and also the thing that brings me closer to the essence of who I am. I also love card decks, both tarot and oracle, and I have a huge collection! They speak seductively to the artist in me, and I'm fascinated by the intersection of art, spirituality, and psychology that exists within them.

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