Breakups are lame. Divorces are even lamer.

My husband admitted to having an emotional affair with a colleague at work, after initially lying about it.

As an INFJ Empath, I knew he lied because I sensed the moment that he pulled away, and that was actually years ago. But this recent incident has been since January, right around my birthday, and has ruined my entire year. I realize that people make mistakes, and that all choices are not the right choice that we could make at the time, but after lying about it the first time, it took him six months to come to me with it. And meanwhile, my heart has been broken and I’ve been sitting here wondering what I’ve been doing wrong, and why he doesn’t want to pay attention to me. And I have tried to fix it so many times.

And now I don’t want to.

I realize that emotional affairs are not sexual, but I almost would prefer if he had just gone out and had a one night stand, rather than becoming emotionally involved with a woman that he spends eight hours with every day. This woman, Sarah, spends more time with my husband than I do, especially quality time. They eat lunch together, she calls and texts his personal phone, all day long- and he doesn’t text me unless I text him. I get him after he’s been with her all day, and he’s tired and he doesn’t want to talk, or hang out. He just wants to go to bed.

If he had even once invited me down to his school this year, I wouldn’t have thought anything of it. But there are so many things that were strange and so many emotions that I felt that didn’t sit right, such the feelings he got whenever she called , and not answering the phone or talking to her in front of me, asking one another why they’ve left without saying goodbye, organizing, and planning to move to the same school next year and then when it didn’t work out, deciding to stay at that school together…And the fact that he lied tells me there’s so much more to it than just a friendship. but he never did say it was a friendship. He still blames her for everything that happened, although he’s the one that opened the door and let her in.

I know that it takes two to tango, and I know he was a part of that dance number. I wish I felt like I knew the whole truth, and I wish I had thought that he was telling it. but a person who won’t take responsibility for their own actions is not a person of character. And in that case, why would I stay here?

How much longer would it have been until they were to get physical? And how many more doors is he going to open?

I guess the bottom line is that he doesn’t want me. And since he doesn’t want me, I have no business staying here and interrupting his future and reminding him of his conscience. At this point, I’m pretty certain that he doesn’t have one.

The bottom line is, he doesn’t want me if he’s gonna do that. So I will go.

Love, Shilo